im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
