he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
