kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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