Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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