So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
