I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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