Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
