he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
