This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
