so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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