Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
there was a trapeze. enough said
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
