Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
