Your face is a jimmy john
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Randomize