she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
