youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
