I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
