My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
