saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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