Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
