im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
