All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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