I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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