Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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