Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
