and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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