I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I met the friendliest cop last night
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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