Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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