honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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