dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
