her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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