I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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