I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize