Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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