Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
