Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
