how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
