We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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