So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize