i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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