You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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