At least make sure they are 18
Why
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize