she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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