i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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