Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
