Do you still have your period?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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