Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize