his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Life is so much better after having sex.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
