I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
