I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
