halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
