My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
