i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
