Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
