I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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