When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
