this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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