Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
