how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
