I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
When are your genitals available?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
