All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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