he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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