I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
