wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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