shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
