I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
