Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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