Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
