i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
