I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The beers last night were like the tears from god
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
