Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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