There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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